End of an Era

It's my final year in university and I'll be handing in my final assignment on Monday. Then I'll be done with my Bachelors degree and quite possibly done with my education.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.

Yes, I am sick of studying. Sick of researching. And sick of writing essays. But then again, I'm also going to miss the free time I have. Because I have so little classes, there are days when I just lay around the house, sleep all day and just rot, in general. It was fine because the next day I could just catch up on work and finish everything before a deadline. But when you're an adult, holding a job, getting paid to keep living, it suddenly implodes on this responsibility on you that I don't know if I'm ready to handle.

Well, the first thing is to actually find a job. And that needs self-motivation, which I'm currently lacking. Sometimes I feel that because I've had such a lucky and pampered life, it makes me feel so settled that I feel no need to over-exceed and improve my current situation. I don't feel the need to go out and find a good job, do well in my essays and try and make contacts because I already have friends, parents that support me and managed to get accepted into a university by just doing what I already do. Is that bad? Does that make me ungrateful and selfish? It probably does.

On the plus side, getting a job will put some routine in my life, which I probably need. It'll stop me from lazing around and doing nothing. It'll actually get me out of the house and interact with people and make some money to take the burden off my parents.

People say I'm smart, kind and funny. Truthfully, I don't think I'm any of those things. Maybe I just need to find some self-confidence which will make me want to get out there and become better.

Sometimes you're afraid to try because you're afraid to fail.